Living with OCD Interviews:
SAVANNAH and SAM
Savannah and Sam are a married couple. Unlike many people whose OCD starts much earlier in their life, Sam came to be affected by the disorder in his seventies. He began to act in uncharacteristic ways which he could not hide. This attracted the notice of his wife, Savannah.
Savannah struggled to find help for Sam. At first, the healthcare professional they saw just wanted to call it depression and give him Valium. Savannah told me that she could not get through to the medical HMO that it was more than depression. She had to hospitalize him to get the right diagnosis of OCD, she said. She told me, "I found that few medical personnel knew what OCD was and certainly didn't understand scrupulosity." Scrupulosity involves obsessions related to religion and morality. Savannah's words confirm how OCD is often misunderstood and sometimes misdiagnosed.
Sam told me that he began to feel contaminated and as if this was a mortal sin. Sam wrote to me that "My life is hell." In his journal, Sam described some of his obsessions and feelings: "I could not stop thinking about taxes and how I was going to destroy my wife's family by turning them all in to the IRS. I had breakfast and then I told my wife I need to talk. She said, "I will talk with you as long as you don't talk about taxes." I said to her that was all I could think about. She explained to me once again what we did many years ago. She says that we did everything right. I can't believe her because she has a different concept of sin. I took my medicine. I also took lots of naps. I spent the day worrying. I told my wife that I wanted to give up. I don't want to take pills any more. I wish I could die in my sleep. I tried to call the doctor (psychiatrist) but I could not get through to him. . . . I have to call the IRS. I can't find the phone number. It is all so confusing. I called my Brother-in-law so he can prepare to go to jail." Savannah told me that Sam had actually called the police before and she had to explain that it was his illness.
Years later I checked in with Savannah. In the interim, Sam had tried medications, struggled with therapy, and even signed up for shock therapy. The psychologist was not talking to the psychiatrist, and this was getting expensive. Eventually Savannah depicted how the OCD was still prevalent in their lives but they had settled into a pattern rather than continuing to try to find further help. Demonstrating how serious and debilitating OCD can be, Savannah described their life from her perspective. She shows the consideration we need to give to the impacts of OCD on caregivers. They form a relationship with the disorder as well and attempt to learn how to respond in ways that help those with OCD get better rather than reinforce symptoms. Meanwhile, they also need to take care of their own well-being.
Savannah struggled to find help for Sam. At first, the healthcare professional they saw just wanted to call it depression and give him Valium. Savannah told me that she could not get through to the medical HMO that it was more than depression. She had to hospitalize him to get the right diagnosis of OCD, she said. She told me, "I found that few medical personnel knew what OCD was and certainly didn't understand scrupulosity." Scrupulosity involves obsessions related to religion and morality. Savannah's words confirm how OCD is often misunderstood and sometimes misdiagnosed.
Sam told me that he began to feel contaminated and as if this was a mortal sin. Sam wrote to me that "My life is hell." In his journal, Sam described some of his obsessions and feelings: "I could not stop thinking about taxes and how I was going to destroy my wife's family by turning them all in to the IRS. I had breakfast and then I told my wife I need to talk. She said, "I will talk with you as long as you don't talk about taxes." I said to her that was all I could think about. She explained to me once again what we did many years ago. She says that we did everything right. I can't believe her because she has a different concept of sin. I took my medicine. I also took lots of naps. I spent the day worrying. I told my wife that I wanted to give up. I don't want to take pills any more. I wish I could die in my sleep. I tried to call the doctor (psychiatrist) but I could not get through to him. . . . I have to call the IRS. I can't find the phone number. It is all so confusing. I called my Brother-in-law so he can prepare to go to jail." Savannah told me that Sam had actually called the police before and she had to explain that it was his illness.
Years later I checked in with Savannah. In the interim, Sam had tried medications, struggled with therapy, and even signed up for shock therapy. The psychologist was not talking to the psychiatrist, and this was getting expensive. Eventually Savannah depicted how the OCD was still prevalent in their lives but they had settled into a pattern rather than continuing to try to find further help. Demonstrating how serious and debilitating OCD can be, Savannah described their life from her perspective. She shows the consideration we need to give to the impacts of OCD on caregivers. They form a relationship with the disorder as well and attempt to learn how to respond in ways that help those with OCD get better rather than reinforce symptoms. Meanwhile, they also need to take care of their own well-being.
In Savannah's words:
"Sam calls his sisters and acts like he used to. It's a big act. . . . [He doesn't hide with me.] I'm the one that can see it all. . . . He doesn't want to go anywhere. He doesn't want to do anything. . . . I have three children and they feel as if they've lost their dad and they have because he can't relate to them. . . .
The best way to help somebody is to not lose your cool, not get angry. . . . [I would characterize my relationship with him now] as a therapist sort of. It's not a wife. . . . [At one point] he would kind of follow me all over the house. . . . he would want me to reassure him about things all of the time. . . . [I told him] I need space. . . . We used to sleep together. We don't anymore. That was one way I was able to find some space. . I am somebody who is probably more of his friend than anybody else because that's the way it has to be. . . .
Religion was very, very important to him until he started to make it an obsession. . . . I used to take him to church every weekend. . . . I'd walk him in and then go home and he's worry about whether he did it perfectly. He would worry about all of these things. So finally I just was fed up and I said, "I'm not taking you any more. You can hardly walk. Your knees are giving out and I just don't think you should go," and he was really upset with me for a little bit and then it's been the darndest thing. He has been more calm about it because I don't take him anymore. I have taken away another one of his obsessions in a way. . . . by not feeding it. Not helping him do the compulsions.
[I was part of a study involving how to live with people with OCD. I learned] if it gets too bad . . . I should walk out. I should go outside. . . . It was very healthy for me to hear that.. . . I don't try to get involved with his obsessions [and have limited the way I was participating in compulsions such as checking and answering his questions. I tell him]. . . . 'I'm not going to do this with you right now.' . . .
We all kind of hide in our little houses and pretend that everything's going fine outside but everybody has something, no matter what it is, there's something. I just made up my mind early that I was going to keep myself healthy, because if I'm not healthy and if I don't have my sense of humor, then forget it. I'm not going to give up. . . . My mission is to find other people that have these problems and at least create some kind of discussion ourselves about how you treat these things because there are different levels and people [caregivers] shouldn't feel alone in all this."
"Sam calls his sisters and acts like he used to. It's a big act. . . . [He doesn't hide with me.] I'm the one that can see it all. . . . He doesn't want to go anywhere. He doesn't want to do anything. . . . I have three children and they feel as if they've lost their dad and they have because he can't relate to them. . . .
The best way to help somebody is to not lose your cool, not get angry. . . . [I would characterize my relationship with him now] as a therapist sort of. It's not a wife. . . . [At one point] he would kind of follow me all over the house. . . . he would want me to reassure him about things all of the time. . . . [I told him] I need space. . . . We used to sleep together. We don't anymore. That was one way I was able to find some space. . I am somebody who is probably more of his friend than anybody else because that's the way it has to be. . . .
Religion was very, very important to him until he started to make it an obsession. . . . I used to take him to church every weekend. . . . I'd walk him in and then go home and he's worry about whether he did it perfectly. He would worry about all of these things. So finally I just was fed up and I said, "I'm not taking you any more. You can hardly walk. Your knees are giving out and I just don't think you should go," and he was really upset with me for a little bit and then it's been the darndest thing. He has been more calm about it because I don't take him anymore. I have taken away another one of his obsessions in a way. . . . by not feeding it. Not helping him do the compulsions.
[I was part of a study involving how to live with people with OCD. I learned] if it gets too bad . . . I should walk out. I should go outside. . . . It was very healthy for me to hear that.. . . I don't try to get involved with his obsessions [and have limited the way I was participating in compulsions such as checking and answering his questions. I tell him]. . . . 'I'm not going to do this with you right now.' . . .
We all kind of hide in our little houses and pretend that everything's going fine outside but everybody has something, no matter what it is, there's something. I just made up my mind early that I was going to keep myself healthy, because if I'm not healthy and if I don't have my sense of humor, then forget it. I'm not going to give up. . . . My mission is to find other people that have these problems and at least create some kind of discussion ourselves about how you treat these things because there are different levels and people [caregivers] shouldn't feel alone in all this."